On Pins and Needles
by khambilo
Summary: Mal and Inara do.... something, Zoe wears a dress, and Jayne is a snoop. Rated T for suggestive language.


**ON PINS AND NEEDLES**

Inara and Mal do.... something, Zoe wears a dress, and Jayne is a snoop.

**DISCLAIMER: Firefly belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant enemy, etc.**

* * *

"You know, I can't help but feel that I'm on deaths door here," Mal told her, a precarious cautiousness lacing his voice.

"Well hold still and you won't lose anything valuable," Inara chided in response. She was on her knees, close to him.

She shuffled her hands quick, causing him to sharply breathe in.

"Oh you're enjoying this, ain't ya," Mal said, half in jest, half in…well nervousness.

Inara wound her hands once more and yanked back. Mal's subtle response illicited a smile from Inara. "I should ask the same thing captain."

Mal vented a sigh as she had stopped momentarily. "I just don't see why my pants half to be on," he remarked. "I mean, traditionally, don't you have them off when you do this?"

Inara paid little attention to Mal's quip and continued her work. "Traditionally," she said and then let a smirk come to her face, "but this is a special case."

He grunted and let her continue, feeling the tension of her work in his lower regions.

"Do you do this for clients," Mal asked out of pure curiosity.

"Hmm, well on occasion," Inara thought aloud. "If the occasion calls for it."

Mal chuckled. "Well the occasion certainly called for it here. Does that make me a client?"

"In your crude, pathetic dreams," Inara blasted.

A sharp jolt of pain ran through that particular area.

Mal yelped in pain. "You did that on purpose!"

"Oh did I hurt you? Gee, I'm sorry captain, I'll be more careful from now on."

"You know, it was Captain's idea to do the whole fancy shindig thing in the first place," Jayne grunted. "Now he's the one holdin' us up."

Kaylee pulled herself out from under the engine and wiped a splotch of grease from her face.

"Well, Mr. Punctual if you're so concerned," she beamed, "why don't ya go and grab him."

Jayne adjusted himself and gave Kaylee the hairy eyeball as if the solution to his dilemma had to be more complex. Kaylee rolled her eyes a bit and gave a scoot gesture to the mercenary.

Jayne began to move for the door.

"By the way," Kaylee began hesitantly," nice…tux."

Jayne shifted awkwardly in the classy, button-up, fancy pants ensemble he was being forced to wear. "Thanks," he grunted.

Jayne pulled himself out of the engine room and back into the galley. Zoe should be around and waiting for the captain. And perhaps she'd be willing to pull the captain out of…wherever he was so they could get the job done.

Jayne rounded the entrance to the galley and stop dead in his tacks, jaw dropping to the floor. Right there, smack in the middle of the galley, was Zoe…in a dress

Red, not too frilly, fairly simple, but damn fine, radiating pure, sexual, Amazonian power. She was hunched over slightly, looking into a mirror on the table to slide earrings on. He took a scan down her voluptuously curving legs and found a matching set of blazing red heels on her feet. Taking a long glance back up, her noticed her radiant face was simply made up and her luscious dark curls fell loosely around her bare shoulders.

Jayne stood there transfixed, mouth agape.

"Easy there, tiger."

Jayne jumped. Wash was right behind him, clearly taking satisfaction on getting the drop on him.

"She's with me," Wash continued. He sauntered past Jayne, still in his Hawaiian shirt ensemble, and planted a kiss on his wife.

A smile came to Zoe's face as they separated, "Take it easy honey, you'll smudge this beautiful work of art," she said indicating her face.

"Sweetheart, I got to muss you up somewhat," Wash told his wife as he put his hands on her face. "You see at this fancy party there's bound to be plenty-a-men-folk around eyeing my wife, and well, I'm a jealous man."

Zoe snickered at her husband's dramatics. "Continue, mussing," she whispered as she locked lips with her husband.

Jayne sighed heavily and began to mutter as to the whereabouts of the captain as he left the galley towards the cargo bay.

As soon as he made it onto grated catwalk in the cargo bay there was no question as to where Mal was: Inara's shuttle. The door was open and his voice was cascading out of it and into the cargo bay. He really wasn't talking but grunting…and pleasurably, Jayne thought.

All the curiosity bells in Jayne's head were ringing, tempting him very strongly, and Jayne was not a very temperate man.

Slowly he inched himself to the shuttle. Just a peek is all.

He was there in the doorway, and they hadn't noticed him enter. But then again, Jayne wouldn't notice anybody spying on him if he was in the Captain's position. Right there, stark in the middle of Inara's lavish abode was the captain, gloriously moaning, and Inara, head right in Mal's crotch. Jayne let a carnal smirk come to his face as he left Inara and Mal to their sexin'.

Mal was moaning and shrieking in pain. He had been stabbed, shot, beaten, and battered, but still, nothing compared to that awful feeling of getting a needle stuck in that particular area. Granted, It missed the important parts but it was still there, stuck inside his thigh.

"THAT you did on purpose," Mal shrieked.

Inara removed the pins from her mouth, finally able to talk, "You moved into it! Now stop your moaning and I'll fish it out."

There was a quick jerk from Inara's part and the needle was free in her hands. Mal let out a deep sigh.

"There," Inara proclaimed, "Was that so bad?"

"Well besides getting stabbed," Mal said slyly.

Inara rolled her eyes. "Well I fixed your tight pants," she said, "I trust you can afford my usual fee."

"Ha ha, very funny."

Mal took his leave from the shuttle.

"Thanks for sewin' that seam back up."

"My pleasure," Inara answered a bit unconvincingly.

Jayne was positively ecstatic. The captain and 'Nara sexin' each other, well kinda. He couldn't wait to spill the beans to the crew. Making his way back to the galley, the first person he ran into was River, unfortunately. His smirk faded as she donned one.

"Get out of my way, moonbrain," he said gruffly, "I got important news to break to the others."

"Need soap, Jayne," she smiled.

Jayne took a whiff at his pits. He smelled….rather floral, he had taken a shower, and the only soap left was Kaylee's funky stuff. At any rate, he hadn't a clue as to what she was talking about.

"What are you talking about? I'm clean."

A subtle smile graced River's face.

"Your mind isn't."


End file.
